HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2010

Richa: - What is your problem, Suresh? Why will you not attend the New Year Eve party?

Suresh: - Richa, you are very well aware about my conservative and superstitious family members. My mom is a very superstitious woman. As I have lost my job in 2009, due to global market recession and I am yet to get a new one, so, she is very tensed about my future.

Nancy: - Ok, that is natural for your mom, but that does not mean that you will skip the New Year Eve party.

Suresh: - Arrey, yaar, on 31^st December night, the Guruji of my mom is going to perform a ritual, so that, my future will become very bright in the new year of 2010.

Arindam: - See the fun, he he he…By the way, what is the name of that Guruji? Is it Shibu Soren or Ramdev?

Suresh: - No, no, his name is Swami Ghonta Baba.

Rajpal: - ha ha ha…woh mandir ka ghanta hai kya? Koi bhi aake bajaa jaata hain…he he he…

Arindam: - great, yaar. We will also go and visit this Ghonta baba, after all; we are yet to get a new job too.

Richa: - Guys, don’t be crazy. Ek Ghonta baba ke liye, you are skipping the New Year Eve party. Just dance and enjoy with us on that night, dude.

Govinda:- Arrey, har saal toh New Year Eve party mein ladkiyon ke saath nanga dance kartey hain aur daroon peetey hain, isme naya cheez kya hai. At least, issh baar kuch naya dekhne ko milega. Tum ladkiya nanga dance karna ussh raat aur hum charh ladke jaayenge Ghonta baba ka ghonta baajaney.

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Ghonta Baba: - Arrey aao aao, Kamala behen, aa jao andar. I was waiting for you only.

Kamala: - baba, yeh hai mera beta Suresh and they are his friends Govinda, Rajpal and Arindam. Baba, aap toh jaante hee hain mere bete Suresh ka haal. Kuch kijiye baba, taah ki Suresh ka zindagi phir sey sabar jaaye.

Ghonta Baba: - hmm, let me perform the rituals. Just chant these mantras, which I will tell you. Just keep on repeating after me. Take these flowers and when I will instruct you people, you will just throw these flowers on the fire.

Rajpal: - Oho, neki kar aur aag mein daal. This is the funda of Ghonta Baba.

Ghonta Baba: - Khamosh, humko gussa mat dilaa, bacchey.

Govinda: - Wow, you are uttering the dialogue of Shatrugan Sinha?

Ghonta Baba:- naadaan baccchey, maybe, you are not aware of the fact that I am also from Bihar and I am a great fan of Shatruji.

Arindam: - haan haan, yeh sab baba log mitra ke toh fan hote nahi hain, shatru ka fan ban jaatey hain, isiliye shatru jaisa acharan karte hain. Accha, Ghonta baba, aap ka naam Ghonta kisne rakha?

Ghonta Baba: - My father was the priest of Shiv Mandir of Belapur. When I was a kid, I used to ring the temple bells frequently after every 20-25 minutes, without any valid reasons. It was like my hobby only. That is why; all the villagers started calling me as ‘Ghonta’.

Suresh:- Baba, you are performing these rituals to pray to God that 2010 should have the tagline of ‘All Izz Well’, but frankly speaking, do you think that 2010 will be a good year for everyone?

Ghonta Baba: - Dekho bacche, 2+0+0+9=11, that means, it is dependent on Bus No.11, that means your economy cannot speed up, no matter how much you try your level best. Now, 2+0+1+0 = 3, which means that businessmen having third eye or innovative ideas will only prosper. Economy may start reviving with its 3^rd Gear speed. As 2+1=3, so, it is the ideal year to get married and reproduce sweet babies.

Arindam: - bhaakh saala, yeh toh hum logon ka bheja fry kar raha hai. Come on, let us go back and party with Richa and Nancy. Ok, Ghonta baba, we need to go. Wish you a very “HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2010”.

CHHORH AAYE HUM WOH GALIYAAN

Harsh: - It is really a cool place, dude. Really, Rajib, I should thank you for your idea. I was literally fed up with my office problems and that too in this market recession period. I needed some break, you know. I told my wife to plan for a vacation somewhere. However, she is also a professional. She also has some commitments as an event manager of a company. In this festive season, she is very busy in organizing fashion shows and Page 3 parties. But, in this weekend, after coming to a beautiful place like this; wow, man, my mind is feeling fresh now.

Rajib: - Actually, this is our ancestral village, Haripur. Can you see those fields? It was in the name of my late father. Now, my uncle do the farming in those lands and take care of the entire fields. See, I am a Senior Manager of a company and my wife is from a rich family, who is too ultra-modern. So, after our marriage, I have hardly visited my own village for two or three times. Come on, guys, let me introduce you people to my Shambu uncle.

Shambu: - Arrey, beta, you have come here after a long gap. We thought that you have forgotten us completely. It is a pleasure that you have come to visit our poor village. Hey Dhanno, thoda sarbaat bana ke le aa tere bhatije aur uske dost logon ke liye.

Dave: - Wow, what is your uncle saying?

Rajib: - Well, my uncle is requesting my aunty to prepare lemon juices for us.

Arindam: - Aha, after seeing your village, I am also becoming nostalgic about our village. There, I used to steal Guavas from trees and I used to run away. The villagers used to scold me, but at the same time, they never used to snatch that guava from my hand, because I used to increase the sale of those guavas. It is like, that I will steal guavas from your orchard and then I will tell the people of entire locality that the tastes of guavas are really good. Next day, people will be reluctant to buy guavas of your orchard, he he he…

Harsh: - I used to ride on bullock carts in our village, sitting on those hays. I had a different passion altogether. I used to smoke cigarettes behind the bushes, because without smoking cigarettes, I used to suffer from constipation. At our time, there were no bathrooms at all. We used to do shit in fields or behind the bushes. Even village women used to do the same thing.

Arindam: - Oh! Yeah, I used to enjoy the bathing of our bhabhis and aunties. They used to bath at the Ghats of Ponds and I have not spared any aunties. Very simple, I used to climb on a tree and relax and they used to bath in the pond water. They were always aware of me, but never compromised in their bathing style, because I was like a naughty baby to them, he he he…

Dhanno Chachi: - Woh toh tumko dekh ke hee pata chalta hai, besharam kahi kaa, loh aab tum sab log juice peeyo. Shaadi kyon nahi kar letey, tum?

Harsh: - Ha ha ha…Chachi, this Arindam is a very naughty boy. Bahut acche tarah se daatiye isko, he he he…Hey, Dave, you are from USA, right? I don’t think that in those countries, there is any concept of villages at all. All over, it is full of concrete buildings.

Dave: - My dear friend, you have a wrong perception. I spent my childhood in a village of Colorado area. Believe me, it is only in the village, where you learn what life is, what nature is, what simplicity is and that is the reason, we the village people can never forget the impact of our village life. You felt frustrated, fed up and stressed out about your city life and that is why, you came to visit Rajib’s village after a long drive. Why? Because, village life is more closer to your heart. It provides a sense of peace to your heart and soul.

Rajib:- Sometimes, I felt that if I would have always remained in this village only, but, too much education drags you towards city life and you can never come out of that trap. If I would have been Aladdin, then I would have requested Genie to make a time machine, where I can go back to my childhood days in our village.

Arindam: - Hey, just listen to this song, “CHHORH AAYE HUM WOH GALIYAAN” and accept the truth of life.

DOGGESS DIANA

Shaili: - Hello viewers, I am Shaili and you are watching your favorite show ‘Animal Interview’ on Royal Bengal Tiger (RBT) TV Channel. Today, we are in Secunderabad and we will interview the famous doggess of this area, whose name is Diana. Hi, Diana, how are you?

Diana: - Oho, you are Shaili, right.I am fine, dear. I am just searching for my babies. Last month only, I gave birth to six little puppies. Out of them, 2 puppies have died. It is a very tough job for a doggess, when she becomes a mother.

Shaili: - Yeah, yeah, I understand that. However, in your dog community, dogesses give birth to several puppies. Now, it is not feasible that all the puppies will be alive. Some of them have to die.

Diana: - Oh, yeah, you are right. That is why, we, the doggess give birth to many puppies.

Shaili: - By the way, who is your hubby?

Diana: - Uff, Shaili, it is an invalid question. In our dog community, we, doggess don’t have any fixed hubby. Any male dog can access me, provided he knows all the arts and cultures of doing romantic intimacies with a female dog.

Shaili: - What are you saying, Diana? You people don’t even know how to use caps? You will suffer from AIDS, dear.

Diana: - Ha ha ha…What a joke, Shaili. See, no one in the Dog community has ever eaten the meat of Rhesus monkey in Africa, and that is the reason, none of our ancestors have ever been contaminated with HIV diseases. As a net result, any male dog can enjoy any female dog, without any fear.

Shaili: - Wow, your dog community is very lucky in this regard. Accha, in your locality, there is an old lady, who always loves you and considers you as your daughter.

Diana: - Hmm, you are talking about that old lady, who is mentally ill. Her name is Kanta. She lost her hubby, when her daughter Laxmi was 12 years old. Later, she took care of her child. Laxmi got married to a Kirana shop owner. Later, during pregnancy, Laxmi died due to some medical complications. After losing her daughter, Kanta became mentally ill. No one cares for her. She sleeps on that street only. Begging is her only profession now. One day, I saw her in a bad condition under an electric lamp post of our locality, where she was shivering due to high fever. I barked at her; I got no response. Then, nearby, there is a Doctors Chamber, where Dr. Bilas Rao sits. I started barking in front of his chamber for 15 minutes. Later, Dr. Bilas Rao understood why I am barking and he followed me. He cured Kanta, without taking any fees from her. In Secunderabad, Doctors never take fees for doing treatment of poor people. After that day, Kanta started loving me like a mother. She regards me as her daughter. Every day, she will hug me. She tells me, ‘You are my daughter Laxmi only, who has taken re-birth as a female dog’. I am a doggess, but I also have tears in my eyes, when I hear those things. You have a special power to understand any language of animals, which is why, you understand my words, but normal humans don’t understand me.

Shaili: - Accha, who gave your name as Diana?

Diana: - Actually, I also don’t know my name. We don’t have any naming system in our dog community. It is the humans only, who call us by some names. There is a boy in our locality, who is tall, handsome and has a goonda-type aggressive character. His name is Arindam. He gave me the name Diana, as on every weekend, I change my sex partners.

Shaili: - Is it the same Arindam, who writes articles on any topic as a time-pass? If it is so, then maintain a safe distance from him. He is a very naughty boy.

Diana: - Yeah, he is that Arindam only. But, I like his naughtiness. Whenever he comes out of his house, I start barking at him, intentionally. He will then chase me and will say ‘Aayiee, dhorey amon pyadabo naa, gheu gheu kora beriya jaabey’ and I enjoy his Bengali dialogues. I also reply with a romantic bark, ‘Ghooo’, but he does not understand the meaning. I run after him to make him angrier and enjoy playing with him.

Shaili: - So, you are the real security guard of this locality during nights? It is great to meet you, “DOGGESS DIANA.” Viewers, see you later, bye.

PLEASE DON'T SAY SORRY

Sumitra: - Who have complained about me to the Mr. Gajanan, the Registrar of this college, that I have taught you nothing in these ‘Software Engineering’ classes. Now, tell me the name of the students, who have complained about me. I will take special care of them in the coming internal exam.

Arindam: - then she will have to take special care of the entire class.

Sumitra: - You, the boy with spectacles at the last bench, what are you whispering to your friend and why are you having a cheeky smile on your face? I am damn sure that you have complained about me. Just stand up; what is your name?

Arindam: - My name is Arindam, but, madam, you are falsely alleging me; actually, we have submitted a letter against you to our Registrar and every one of us has signed that letter.

Sumitra: - Do you know that I was once a teacher of Shibpur College also? In that college, no one used to come in my class, that is a different issue, but they never complained that I am a bad teacher.

Arindam: - If they have never attended your class, then how can they judge your teaching style?

Sumitra: - I am leaving this class now. But, I will take strong action against you, Arindam. I will tell about this case to your class teacher, Venkat.

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Venkat: - Are you mad or what? You were arguing with that old woman. It is ok, that she has falsely alleged you about something, but that does not mean that you will argue with her like that. She is the HOD of our computer department in this college. Do you want to ruin your student life in this Engineering College? You are in the 1^st semester of final year, and you are behaving like a little child. Do one thing; write an apology letter to Sumitra madam. I will handle that case, after you submit that letter.

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Venkat: - My goodness, what have you done, Arindam? What kind of an apology letter have you submitted? Why you mentioned ‘Dear Madam’? Is Sumitra madam, your childhood friend? What kind of a paper is this? Even a Bhelpuriwala also don’t have this kind of yellowish colored old paper.

Arindam: - Actually, Sir, I am using a copy from 2^nd year only. As it is an old copy, so, the paper is yellowish in color.

Venkat: - Oho, I am trying to save you and you are creating more troubles. Do one thing; go and meet Sumitra madam and tell her sorry; otherwise, she will seriously complain about this matter to our Registrar Mr. Gajanan. However, one thing; Mr .Deb also sits in the same staff room, where Sumitra madam sits. Don’t even talk to that Mr. Deb Sir regarding this matter. You will be in more trouble then, after all, he is my arch-rival.

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Arindam: - May I come in Madam?

Sumitra: - Yes, come in. Mr. Deb, just look at this boy. His name is Arindam. He just insulted me in front of the whole class. Not only have that. Look at this apology letter. It has been written in an old yellowish paper.

Deb: - why you do like this, Arindam? Just say Sorry to Sumitra madam.

Arindam: - Madam, I am extremely sorry.

Sumitra: - British people have taught you one word to use it after committing mistakes. “PLEASE DON’T SAY SORRY” to me. I will give you a big zero in your internal marks.

Arindam: - Ok, madam, then I am withdrawing the word ‘Sorry’. I will never say sorry to you.

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Jishnu: - Gajanan has called Arindam in his cabin. Everyone is saying that Arindam will be suspended from this college for this entire semester.

Riju: - Then, the entire IT department students will not attend any classes. Earki hocchey, there is no placement cell in this college. Not a single company has visited our campus. Teachers are useless and we will accept that.

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Deb:- Uff, Gajanan Sir would have suspended you, if I would not have described the entire scenario inside the conference room, as I was the only witness, while you were saying sorry to madam. Madam has already suffered from brain hemorrhage, that is why, she is mentally ill, but in future, never say sorry to anyone, and even if you say so; don’t withdraw that word ‘sorry’, as if it is a bank cheque.