LET US BECOME FRIENDS ON THIS FRIENDSHIP DAY !!!

Padmini:- Help! Help! Somebody help me. Rukmini is about to kill my children.

Mohini:- Rukmini, you have shown the audacity to enter our territory. Leave those children of Padmini, otherwise, you will get killed. Just go away from here.

Padmini:- Oh! Thanks a lot, Mohini. I would have lost my children forever if you had not protected them from Rukmini at the right time.

Mohini:- But, why Rukmini wanted to kill your children? Generally, in this forest, a tigress does not attack any monkeys.

Padmini:- She wanted to take revenge. Last week, she and her male partner Raghav entered into the nearby village of Gosaba area to kill some cows and goats before going for the mating season. Rukmini is yet to become a man-eater, but the problem is with Raghav. Raghav is 4 years older than Rukmini and in this old age also, he loves mating with tigresses. Raghav is a deadly man-eater of this mangrove forest. I wanted to save the life of innocent villagers of that village. That’s why; I gave 5 alarm calls from 5 positions to alert the Sundarban forest officials as well as villagers that a tiger and his tigress have entered into the village. The forest officials created a trap. Raghav fell into that trap and got injured. The forest officials are doing treatment in the tiger reserve. Once the treatment is over, Raghav will be released in the jungle. Now, Rukmini thinks that I am responsible for Raghav’s bad fate. Had I not given those alarm calls, then Raghav would have never got trapped by the forest officials. But, at least, I saved the life of many innocent human beings staying in that village.

Mohini:- Hmm…now, I understand the entire thing. Rukmini is still angry on you and she will again try to take the revenge by killing your children or maybe you also.

Padmini:- Already, the population of monkeys in this Sundarban forest is decreasing day by day due to lack of food and the increased salinity of water and soil. Maybe, monkeys will get extinct in this delta.

Mohini:- Don’t worry, we are also in the same track. The number of Royal Bengal tigers and tigresses are also decreasing in this forest. Poachers of Thailand, Myanmar and Bangladesh are entering inside the jungle with their trawlers by waving a fake Indian flag. The Sundarban forest officials are just sleeping and not increasing vigilance on those poachers. The poachers kill the tigers and sell their dead bodies to the Chinese businessmen, leather factory owners and drug dealers. I really wonder what kind of tiger conservation they are doing! The numbers of deer are also decreasing. Moreover, the water is getting too saline and the numbers of crocodiles are increasing which is scaring the tigers to swim in the river waters or even go near it.

Padmini:- By the way, I have hardly seen any tigress helping a monkey. Then, why did you save my children?

Mohini:- 3 days ago, I was busy in mating with my beloved Arindam. At that time, some forest officials entered the jungle in the northern part and in the western part of this island, some local villagers entered to collect honey from bee-hives. Had you not given an alarm call that some humans have entered inside this jungle, then both of us would have been in serious trouble. Though, I got caught by the forest officials but they released me in the jungle after installing a radio collar on my neck.

Arindam:- Oh! Mohini, you are here! I was searching for you everywhere. Hey, Mohini, please open that radio collar. The forest officials are tracking us. How can we mate with each other without any tension?

Padmini:- Don’t worry, my hubby Madhav will help you. Madhav, can you crush this radio collar with your teeth?

Madhav:- Sure, why not?

Arindam:- Wow! Thanks Padmini and Madhav. I have just now seen that all the forest officials were wishing a very happy friendship day to each other while standing on the watch towers as it is 1^st august today. Padmini and Madhav, “LET US BECOME FRIENDS ON THIS FRIENDSHIP DAY” and please do give an alarm call every time any human enters our territory. Don’t worry; both Mohini and I will always safeguard your family members from Rukmini and Raghav.

SEX - HOCKEY !!!

Rachana: - Oh! Come on, Sir. Why are you feeling nervous? Enjoy me. I have also satisfied the former coaches. I am the captain of this team. The more you will enjoy my body parts, the healthier our relationship will become. Ummm… Sir, do whatever you feel like. Tonight, I am completely yours and it’s my pleasure to be yours tonight.

Kingshuk: - But, I am married. I have some commitments towards her. What if some scandals arise later on?

Rachana: - Are you going to tell your wife about this night to your wife like the King Harishchandra?

Kingshuk: - No. How can I admit about it to my wife?

Rachana: - Your wife is also not a ‘Sati-Sabitri’ that she will tell you about all her extra-marital fantasies with some young guns. No one will know anything, Sir. I will keep it as a top secret. Even Nilima, Preeti, Sharmin and Ritu are also interested to have intercourses with you. I hope that you will satisfy them also. Oh! Come on, don’t be tensed. The performances will be a protected and secret one. So, there will be no STD and scandals.

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Mr. Sansani: - Today is a shameful day for our nation in sports arena. Our national women’s hockey team has finished last in the World Cup tournament. That’s a shame. There is so much difference between real life and reel life. In reel life, we saw in the film ‘Chak De’ that the women’s hockey team won the World Cup.

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Khanna: - Look Mr. Kingshuk, we are really worried about your performance as a coach of national women’s hockey team. We have finished last. My goodness! The entire team played badly in the tournament, especially that captain of the women’s hockey team played pathetic hockey. Was that a captaincy! My goodness, Mr. Kingshuk, had I been in your place, I would have removed Rachana as a captain of the women’s hockey team due to her poor performance in the entire tournament. Remove her from the captaincy and be ready with a strong team for the next tournament. As the Chairman of the Hockey Board of this nation, I cannot bear the harsh criticisms from several media personnel.

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Rachana: - Sir, what the hell are you saying? Nandini, the striker of our team will become the captain of the women’s hockey team. What the hell does she know about captaincy? She came into the team last year only. You cannot remove me from captaincy. Maybe, my performance on the field is in poor form at present but I have always performed well in the off-field with you in your bedroom.

Kingshuk: - I don’t get money to perform in my bedroom. I am the coach of this hockey team. Don’t mix your personal life with your professional life. You have enjoyed my natural asset, that’s a different issue. As a coach, I want you to perform like a captain of this team by leading from the front. For your poor captaincy and performance, the women’s hockey team finished last. Do you think that I am a slave of yours? I will not change my decision. Nandini is really playing fantastic hockey. She scored 3 goals in the recent tournament. She has never played off-the field with me, but still I like her because she is a genuine hockey player, not a politician like you.

Rachana: - Ok, fine! I will also see for how many days you remain as the coach of this hockey team.

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Mr. Sansani: - It’s a breaking news. Mr. Kingshuk, the coach of the women’s hockey team has resigned from his post because 30 girls of that hockey team have alleged that they were sexually harassed by the coach. Rachana, the hockey team captain has also remarked, ’30 girls cannot tell a lie’.

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Nayantaara: - What a shame! All men are of same category. They are all perverts. This coach should be jailed for 15 years. Really, India has become a paradise for sexual harassment.

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…sweetheart, you are viewing the case from one angle. The remarks made by the captain that 30 girls cannot tell a lie itself proves that the conspiracy was pre-planned. The recent dates on the video camera photos also prove that it is just a game of “SEX-HOCKEY”.

MY CHILDHOOD'S BARBIE DOLL !!!

Pinky: - Mom, someone is ringing our door-bell. Please see who is there?

Savita Bhabhi: - Arrey, devarji, aap? Bahut dino ke baad apne Savita Bhabhi ko yaad kiya! Come inside. Suraj and Pinky, look, who has come?

Pinky: - Arrey, Arindam uncle, how are you? Were you on diet in Hyderabad? You are looking like a skeleton. What have you brought for us? Oh! No, those 5 packets of Dairy Milk chocolates! I am still not a baby.

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…you will always remain as a baby to me, dear, because I am your uncle. Hey, bhabhi, why is Suraj crying there? Again you have spared the rod on Suraj. Ei, Suraj, what’s the problem? Look here, I have brought a packet of 24 shades Camel pastel colors and a painting book. Now, you can draw anything you wish.

Suraj: - Thank you Arindam uncle. Actually, just a while ago, my mom and my elder sister scolded me. My mom is very bad. She was hitting me with that 12 inch wooden scale because I broke that beautiful flower vase out of anger.

Arindam: - Aaha, Suraj! Show me a mom in this world who don’t beat their kids, he he he…Even, I used to get some hard beatings from my mom, when I was a little kid like you. Accha, what have you done that they are scolding and beating you?

Suraj: - Yesterday only, our primary school authority declared a summer vacation for 25 days. I want to spend my vacation in my grandpa’s house, which is in a remote village. I have so many friends there. I love that village. But, my mom doesn’t want me to go there because my mom dislikes my grandma and grandpa.

Savita Bhabhi: - Suraj betey, you go and play in the park now. Nitish is calling you. They are all going to play cricket in that park.

Suraj: - No, I will not go. They don’t give me first batting. I will not go. Every day I am playing cricket with them. What’s the big deal in it? I am feeling bored inside this complex area now. I want to go for a tour somewhere. I want to go to my grandpa’s village. Arindam uncle, please make my mom understand. By the way, uncle, have you ever visited any village in your childhood?

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…I spent my childhood in our village only. My grandpa was the head of the farmers’ association in our village. My dad got a job in the city and then I came to the city with my mom and dad, otherwise, all our family members are farmers only. I still remember my childhood days, when I used to wear a white colored hat, which was gifted by my grandpa. There was a special stick, which my grandpa bought from ‘Gangasagar Mela’. That stick is popularly known as ‘Beter lathi’. I used to roam around the village with that stick in my hand and that hat on my head. Everyone used to laugh at me and used to comment, ‘Oi dekho, laat saheb aschey…khajna adaye kartey’ (The British is coming to collect tax from poor farmers). Every morning, my grandpa used to go to the field to plough it with the help of cows and oxen. At that time, there were no tractors. Everyone used to plough the 2 bighas field for around 10 days. My grandpa also used to wear that white colored hat. Basically, at that time, Vivian Richards and Sunil Gavaskar were as famous as their typical hats. There was no television at that time. Only there was a radio transistor of ‘Santosh’ company and that radio transistor used to run with the help of two white colored batteries of ‘Eveready’ company. There was no FM center at that time. Only, there were two radio centers that can be tuned into. One was ‘Kolkata Kau’ and another one was ‘Vividh Bharti’. Sometimes, it was possible to tune into the Bangladeshi radio channel as Bangaldesh is our neighboring country. Also in the village, the villagers never used to speak in Bengali. They had a typical local language which is half-Midnapuri and half –Oriya.

Pinky: - What? Your grandpa was not a Bengali?

Arindam: - Yeah, they were all Bengalis. But, there was a difference between the languages of Midnapore and 24-Parganas. At that time, 24-Parganas was not divided as per northern and southern province. Even Midnapore was also a big district. The entire south Bengal at that time comprised of two districts: - 24 Parganas and Midnapore. In the later stage, the CPI (M) ministers intentionally divided Midnapore into West Midnapore and East Midnapore and also 24 Parganas got divided into South 24-Parganas and North 24-Parganas. Basically, the word, ‘Pargana’ means the sub-zones of a district under British rule. Our ancestors were basically from Midnapore. During 1904 or so, a famine broke out in Midnapore district. At that time, South 24-Parganas was totally a jungle known as Sunderbans. The poor Midnapore people crossed the Hooghly River from Kukrahati and came to Diamond Harbour which was a jungle at that time. The areas were known as ‘Laats’ under the British rule. Nobody dared to enter those areas as it was the territory of royal bengal tigers. The Midnapore people just started cutting the trees and established their own villages. Slowly and gradually, all the Midnapore people started migrating in South 24- Parganas, Howrah and Bardhaman. Now, there was a clash in language. As Midnapore is situated near Orissa, the language of Midnapore is a fusion of Bengali and Oriya language. If you go to Kanthi, you will find people are saying Bengali with an Oriya touch in it. That language is popularly known as ‘Dakhneya’ language. Our surname ‘Sain’ evolved from ‘Swain’ surname of Orissa. ‘Swain’ community is a Brahmin community of Orissa. When our predecessors were living in Orissa, at that time Orissa was a district under Bengal province. Many people don’t know that Bengal was the largest province of ancient India. Bengal province was from Ghaziabad in the west to Shillong in the east and from Kathmandu in the north to Vishakapatnam in the south. Now, that Bengal has been divided into 7 small parts. That’s why; all the people of Eastern India can speak and understand Bengali. My grandpa learned to speak proper Bengali slowly and gradually. At present, our ‘Sain’ community became ‘Kayasthas’ as per their profession of farming. They are now known as ‘Karans’ people.

Pinky:-Uff, history is such a boring subject. That’s why, I don’t like history.

Arindam: - But, this subject helps you to have an idea about your past which is good for your future decisions.

Pinky: - Hmm…ok, ok. Uff ho…Now, it is already 5.30 PM. Why my dad is not calling me at my mobile phone?

Arindam: - Why? Is there anything special tonight? Why are you waiting for your dad’s call?

Savita Bhabhi: - Nothing like that! Actually, Pinky has been requesting for a Barbie doll to her dad for past 2 weeks. After lots of drama, finally, her dad has promised her that he will buy a Barbie doll for her.

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…so, this is the matter? You girls are always fond of Barbie dolls, he he he…

Pinky: - You will not understand why we girls always like the Barbie dolls? Have you ever played with any Barbie doll that you will understand?

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…no, I have never played with any Barbie doll, but, I have observed girls playing with Barbie dolls. In my childhood, we used to live in a rented house in an apartment in the city. In that apartment, there was not a single boy of my age. All were girls. All my neighboring girls were more or less 2- 3 years elder than me. So, I was their sweet younger brother. During late afternoons, they used to take me on the terrace. There they used to play with their Barbie dolls and my job was to see their foolish game and ask the question in my mind, ‘Is this Barbie doll a living thing or a non-living thing?’ They had all those funny toys. A little stove, a little pot, a little spoon, a little bowl and other small utensils. All the toys were made of plastics only. They used to collect dust from somewhere and put it on the pot. Then they used to play as if they are cooking some food for their Barbie doll. After cooking, they used to make that Barbie doll eat that food. Then they also used to comb those white colored plastic hairs of that Barbie doll. Once I laughed at their foolish acts. Baash, as I commented, all my elder sisters started boasting me. Someone even commented, ‘You don’t have your own Barbie doll, that’s why; you are jealous on us’. As a little kid, I found myself depressed that I don’t have any Barbie doll. I requested my dad to buy a Barbie doll for me, he he he…My dad laughed at me and said, ‘Boys don’t play with Barbie dolls. Boys play outdoor games like cricket and football.’ But, I was a little child at that time. My brain was not ready to accept all those things. I kept on demanding a Barbie doll.

Suraj: - Ha ha ha…What a shame, Arindam uncle! As a little boy, you wanted to play with a Barbie doll. You have not played cricket or football in your childhood.

Arindam: - I started playing cricket after watching the World Cup Cricket of 1987. In that locality, there was no television in anyone’s house. In that year, my dad got promotion from clerical post to officer post in that PSU Bank. To celebrate that promotion, my dad bought a 14 inch Black & White Television of ‘Telegold – ET&T’ company with an expense of just 1410 INR. After watching Ravi Shastri, Srikanth, Siddhu, Kapil Dev, Gavaskar in TV, I started playing cricket with the locality boys, though I used to often quarrel and fight with those boys rather than playing disciplined cricket.

Savita Bhabhi: - aah, you played cricket much later? What about the Barbie doll issue? Your father bought you a Barbie doll at last?

Arindam: - No, no. My father was not in a mood to buy any Barbie doll for me because in those days only, a Barbie doll used to cost around 125 INR. My dad just bought a cricket bat and a plastic ball from ‘Dutta Toys’ shop for me to practice cricket in my house. I was not so happy about that. I observed that a small statue of goddess Saraswati was kept inside a showcase. My mom used to worship the statues of Goddess Kali, Goddess Laxmi and God Ganesh every day, but that small statue of Goddess Saraswati was not worshipped. I decided to make that statue as my Barbie doll. Next day, I went to play with my neighboring elder sisters with that statue. I told them that this statue is my friend. She is my Barbie doll. All my elder sisters laughed at me. I was least bothered about that. I kept that statue in my study table. I used to talk with that statue, though it was a one-sided talk. I saw all my elder sisters talking with their Barbie dolls, so, I also copied that action. One day, I was playing cricket on my own inside my room with that plastic ball and bat. The day before that day, India won a match in that World Cup. All the locality people came to watch that match in our house. Everyone was always discussing about cricket and cricket only. I also got addicted towards their game. I was throwing the plastic ball on the wall of the room and when it was rebounding I was hitting the ball with my bat. Unfortunately, one of my shots was enough to crush the entire statue which was kept on my study table. When my mom saw that I have broken the small statue of goddess Saraswati that was made of clay, she just started screaming at me, ‘This room is not a playground. If you want to play cricket, go and play either on the terrace or in a park.’ My mom just screwed my ears in such a fashion as if she was tuning the knob of a radio transistor. As usual, I started crying. That tears was not only for my mom’s beating but also for that statue also.

Savita Bhabhi: - Ha ha ha…Devarji…I can have a rough idea about your naughtiness when you were a little boy. Though, you have not changed yet. You are still a naughty boy like a nursery school student, he he he…Accha, it is quite evident that when you grew up, you started realizing the concept of ‘Goddess’. Now, in this matured age do you worship the Goddess ‘Saraswati’ during ‘Saraswati Puja’?

Arindam: - Yeah, yeah, of course, I worship her. How can I ignore her? In my childhood, I used to wait for ‘Saraswati Puja’ day because on that day, no one tells you to study any book. Rather, everyone says, ‘Don’t study any book today.’ Still today, when I worship the Goddess Saraswati, I just give a cheeky smile at her while uttering in my mind, ‘Hey Devi, once upon a time, unknowingly, I regarded your small statue as “MY CHILDHOOD’S BARBIE DOLL”.’