HONEYMOON ON MOON

Arindam: - Samrat, I think that as your office boss, I am making your life hell by giving you so many assignments. You have got married recently. Why don’t you take a break for some days and go for a honeymoon. I understand the necessity of honeymoon in one’s life.

Samrat: - but, Sir, I am yet to decide where to go for honeymoon.

Arindam: - Arrey, go to Moon, naah. Two years back, NASA and ISRO jointly installed a huge artificial magnet under the Moon’s surface. Now, the gravitational force of Moon is equal to that of our Earth’s. My friend Sain is a travel agent. You just meet him. He will arrange the entire tour package.

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Travel Agent Sain: - Oh! Arindam is your Reporting Manager. Well, he is my childhood friend. He has visited to the Moon for three times to enjoy honeymoon. He is still single and unmarried, but never forgets to enjoy honeymoon with his new lady secretaries or female personal assistants.

Samrat: - Oho! Now, I understand; why she recruits hot and sexy teen girls as his new secretary after every quarterly result. He is catching the fish without touching the water. He has no fixed wife or girlfriend. That’s why; he flies like a free bird.

Travel Agent Sain: - Aah...just forget it. Concentrate on your own honeymoon plans. You will stay in the Dulal Lodge on the moon. Dulal, the manger of Dulal lodge is my brother-in-law cum college friend. Enjoy your stay in that lodge with your wife.

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Dulal: - Sir, I have arranged a tent in the garden area of this Dulal lodge. You just enjoy with your wife and also feel the fragrance of lovely flowers in the garden.

Samrat: - Thanks a lot, Mr. Dulal.

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Samrat: - Wow, sweetheart, you are really looking like a queen tonight in this night gown. Come closer to me, honey. Just give a sweet smile. Hug me tightly…oops…

Rani: - Dhaath…you are so naughty. What will happen, if someone sees us doing these things inside the garden?

Samrat: - Arrey, this is Moon, my sweetheart. No one will see us. Tonight is the night of naughtiness. Uff…let me sing a song, ‘Chaudvin ka chaand ho…joh bhi ho tum… khuda ki kasam, lajawab ho…’ Hey, I can hear a siren sound. Oh! No, someone is beating me at my back. What is happening, Rani? I can’t understand.

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Samrat’s Mom: - Ei, wake up. Today there is a written competitive exam for you. You have set your alarm clock in full volume and that too at 7.30 AM. I just woke up by hearing the alarm but you were asleep like a kumbhakarna. Get up and go to the examination center. You have also got the bad habit of dreaming in sleep like your father. By the way, who is this Rani?

Samrat: - How would I know, mom? She came in my dream only.

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Samrat: - Hello, sweetheart. Last night, I saw a lovely dream. In that dream, I was doing my job in a reputed office. My Boss told me to go for a honeymoon by taking break for some days. And then, both you and I went for a nice romantic “HONEYMOON ON MOON”, he he he…

Rani: - Dhaath…you are so naughty. Accha, today, you appeared for a written competitive exam, right? How was your exam?

Samrat: - Oh! It was just satisfactory. Maybe, I will just secure the cut-off marks…he he he…

Rani: - How funny you are, Samrat! You are laughing at your own failures only. If you don’t do well in these written competitive exams, you will not get a job. Unless you get a job, how can you marry me? In a life of a married couple, at least, the hubby must have a job security. Instead of being serious in your studies, you are just dreaming like a Rip Van Winkle. Take a break from all other activities and just concentrate on grabbing a job, sweetheart. Also, give me a break for some days, as I need to study for my final year exam.

Samrat: - Hmm…I wish; I would have rather been a Rip Van Winkle than an ordinary Samrat. Anyway, Rani, wish you best of luck for your exams. Goodnight.

MANGO PICKLES

Savita: - Devarji, there is a good news for you. Today, afternoon only, your wife Kavita vomited a lot and after that, she was eating mango pickles.

Arindam: - What are you saying, bhabhi. Wow, it’s really good news.

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Kavita: - Dhaath…you think too much about me. There is nothing like that. After vomiting, I went to Dr. Pratibha’s chamber at 5 PM. After the test, she confirmed that I vomited due to acidity and mango pickles are always my favorite.

Arindam: - Oho, I thought that a new guest is going to come in our house very soon.

Kavita: - How can that happen, unless you entertain me on the 14^th day of my cycle. The fructose chemical needs to meet the eggs and that too with the count of 12 million. On every 14^th to 17^th night, either you are too busy in conference with your US clients or you are too tired after coming from the office that you hardly do anything. Now, all weekends does not coincide with my special day.

Arindam: - Uff…God has made all these things so complex. Here, also, humans need to do some calculations. Anyway, please mark that special day in the calendar. This time, I need to hit the target with maximum energy. After all, a guest is a guest and should come to our house. By the way, one thing I don’t understand that why pregnant women always love to eat pickles.

Kavita: - Woh tum bhabhi se poochlo…She is the mother of two children. She can give you the answer. I am yet to experience that feeling. But, I think that during that time, our mouth becomes somewhat theeka…that’s why, we like to taste all those sour pickles. Do you know something? Today, I have learned how to prepare mango pickles from my mother-in-law.

Arindam: - Yeah, yeah, my mom is the best. She prepares the best mango pickles in the world, followed by my sweet bhabhi.

Kavita: - Chinta mat karo. Now, I have learned how to prepare mango pickles. I will beat them all. One day, you will say that I prepare the best mango pickles.

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Savita: - Maa ji, jaara idhar aayiye…uddhar dekhiye…Devarji and Kavita are fighting with each other with the topic of mango pickles.

Kamala: - Bahu, just do one thing. Go and give them a bowl of mango pickles. Let them taste it. Automatically, they will stop fighting.

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Kavita: - Devarji, yeh loh aam ka achar khao…aaj hee maaji ne banayi hain…

Arindam: - Baah…bhabhi…kya taste hain…But, how do you make these mango pickles?

Savita: - Bhabhi, let me answer this question. Very simple hain, jaanu. First, cut the green mangoes into small pieces. Generally, a green mango can be divided into 8 small pieces. Then add turmeric and salt to those small pieces of mangoes. Now, you have to dry them up, by keeping it under the sunlight for at least 3 days. What masala should you add to it? Jeera, Mustard seeds, paanch foron, Mustard oil and dried red chilies are enough to make a perfect masala in a hot kadai. Now, add those mango pieces into that masala and keep on mixing it on the kadai, with a gentle heat for around 10-15 minutes. Baash, the mango pickles are ready to be stored inside a jar bottle. Always remember that you should not take out those pickles from the jar bottle, with wet hands, because the mango pickles will lose its taste and become rotten, if it comes in contact with water inside the jar bottle.

Arindam: - My goodness, you have learned a lot. I should open a family business of manufacturing branded “MANGO PICKLES”. Believe me, this business will be a massive hit for me, because three of my family members are expert in preparing mango pickles.

JAMAI SHASTHI OF BENGAL

Srinivasan: - Hey look, Hemanta, this is not your father’s company that you will apply for casual leaves anytime. Just one month back, you took 10 casual leaves for your marriage and honeymoon and now you have again applied for 5 casual leaves. I understand that for last 1.5 years, you have not taken any casual leave, but that does not necessarily mean that you will keep on applying for these leaves, after your marriage.

Hemanta: - Sir, please approve it this time. Actually, I need to attend the ritual of ‘Jamai Shasthi’. Please, Sir. After these casual leaves, I will not apply for any leave for next 9 months, unless there is any emergency.

Srinivasan: - Ok, ok, let me think over it. Just finish the assignment first. I want the report to be ready within 3 PM today. Then, we will discuss about it.

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Srinivasan: - Uff, sometimes, I wonder, why these youngsters get married too early in their life.

Arindam: - Hey Srinivasan, what happened, boss? You are looking disturbed.

Srinivasan: - Don’t ask me, Arindam. Already, the new clients have started giving more pressure to us and moreover, the management trainee, who works under me, is applying for casual leaves. By the way, you are also Bengali, right?

Arindam: - Yeah, of course, I am a Bengali. Why? What happened?

Srinivasan: - What is this ‘Jamai Shasthi’? Actually, Hemanta, who works under me, wants the casual leave to attend this ritual?

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…oho, I am becoming nostalgic now. You know what! In our college days, whenever we used to see a girl with huge Silicon Valley, we used to pass the comment, ‘Uff, babah re babah…Jaaa Maaai…’ he he…

Srinivasan: - What is Jamai, after all?

Arindam: - Arrey, Srinivasan, just go and ask this question to Amitabh Bacchan, Rahul Mahajan and Mansur Ali Pataudi. They are all the Jamais of Bengal. In Bengali culture, a Son-in-Law is termed as ‘Jamai’. Jamai Shasthi is a ritual, where the parents of the bride take special care of their son-in-law. The first ‘Jamai Shasthi’ is always very special. Maybe, that is why, Hemanta, who have got married recently, does not want to miss the opportunity. On the day of Jamai Shasthi, the mother of bride will cook good dishes. Sometimes, the sister-in-laws of the groom also cook food to keep their Jeejaji happy. On this special day, a son-in-law of Bengal gets the best treatment of his life. He feels himself as if he is just next to God. But, remember; only the 1^st Jamai Shasthi is the special one. Later on, the charm of Jamai Shasthi fades away. The food items are just too good.

Srinivasan: - Wow, really is it so? What foods are prepared during Jamai Shasthi for the Son-in-law of Bengal?

Arindam: - Uff, I will feel hungry now. By pronouncing the name of those Bengali dishes only, my saliva will start secreting rapidly. They always serve the food in a big ‘Kaanshaar Thala’ with lots of bowls on its side. The food items are Luchi, Cholar Daal, Aloor Dum, Mutter Paneer, Ichorer Torkaari (Jackfruit curry), Plain Rice, Deemer Dalna (Masala Egg Curry), Doi Hilsha, Fried Koi fish, Chingri Malai Curry, Fried Rice, Sujir Halua, Kheerer Sandesh, Misti Doi, Chaaler Payesh, Paantua and Rasogolla.

Srinivasan: - Oops, you should have told about this ritual before my marriage. Then, I would have married a sweet Bengali girl to enjoy the “JAMAI SHASTHI OF BENGAL”. I will surely approve the casual leaves of Hemanta.

AVOID USING ATM CENTERS OF STATE BANK OF INDIA

Rohit: - Satyanaash ho gaya mera….aab bataa nahi kya hogaa mera…Whatever little I had, all are gone now.

Satish: - Arrey bhaiye…kya hua hain, yeh batao toh sahi?

Rohit: - I used to think that State Bank of India is the safest bank, but it is getting transformed into a No.1 unsafe bank. I had 46,785 bucks in my savings account of SBI. I went to the SBI ATM at Thakurpukur 3A Stand of Kolkata to withdraw money. The ATM centre is just opposite to the Thakurpukur Branch of SBI. The branch code number is 1357. I swiped my SBI ATM card in the machine, then entered password and withdrew 400 bucks from it. But, just after few seconds, the receipt came out, which shows that the available balance in my savings account is 6,385 bucks, whereas I have taken out only 400 bucks from my account. Another 40,000 bucks from my account has got debited to someone else’s savings account.

Satish:- Arrey, since last week of April 2010, these kinds of cases are happening in many parts of Kolkata and that too only in the case of SBI ATM Cards and in SBI ATM Centers. Come on, let us go to the Police Station and lodge an FIR.

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Inspector Arindam: - Rohit Bhaya, you are not the first person to come in this Police Station with such complaints. At least 15 people came here with this similar problem in this week. We cannot help in this case. Only the employees of State Bank of India can help you.

Rohit: - What do you mean by that? Have you ever seen the condition of that SBI ATM in Thakurpukur 3A stand? All the Auto-Rickshaws are standing in front of that ATM center. You never know, when your money will get snatched by those auto-rickshawalas. Moreover, there is no security guard in that ATM. To add fuel to the fire, for every transaction, the slip that is coming out is a fake one, giving false balances.

Inspector Arindam: - Who is the manager of Thakurpukur SBI Branch? Just go and talk to that Manager. Hey, Badal, please help me out, boss. This is a very funny case for me to solve.

Sub-Inspector Badal:- Sir, as per the rules, if the Bank manager is unable to give back the money to this customer within 12 days, then legal actions can be filed against that branch or even against that Bank also. The boss of SBI is Mr. O P Bhatt. Even, he may have to answer the question, why the money of 40,000 bucks from the savings account of a customer is getting debited to other’s account, when the SBI customer is withdrawing only a mere 200 or 400 bucks from his account in the SBI ATM center.

Satish: - Exactly! State Bank of India give big lectures of installing Point of Sale, Solar powered ATMs and other technologies in ATM, but they cannot provide security to an ordinary ATM center. First of all, the ATM machines of SBI are very slow in speed. Secondly, in many ATM centers, there are no security guards. Even if they have a security guard, he does not have any knowledge about ATM. He just sleeps inside the ATM Center. Thirdly, SBI have opened their ATM centers in insecure areas. Like, take the case of ATM center in Thakurpukur 3A stand. They have opened the ATM in front of an Auto –rickshaw stand. There is no point in going to the SBI branch and complaining about it. They will say, ‘aab kaal aayiye, yaa toh parshu ko aayiye’. You will just keep on visiting the SBI branch, but your problem will never get resolved, after all, it is State Bank of India.

Inspector Arindam: - Hmm…we also appreciate that State Bank of India is just third-class in its customer service. At least, HDFC and AXIS Bank ATM centers are very much secure nowadays, followed by ICICI Bank. Rohit, I think that you will not get back your money. It is gone means, it is gone. Try to shift all your remaining money from SBI account to other bank accounts. Always try to “AVOID USING ATM CENTERS OF STATE BANK OF INDIA”.