BISWAMITRA BABA'S BLACK MAGIC

Biswamitra Baba: - Ok, Tarak is your friend and he has referred my name to you. Tarak is one of my best students. At present, he is one of the best tantriks of Kolkata. Wait, don’t sit beside me. Can you see that small temple in this graveyard? In that temple, there is an idol of ‘Samsaan Kaali’, the Goddess of Graveyard. Go there and bring three hibiscus flowers, which are kept in front of her.

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Biswamitra Baba: - Hmm…now you can sit. Give me those flowers. Now, tell me, why do you want to learn black magic from me? If you want to utilize this black magic for some bad purpose, then I will not teach you.

Arindam: - No, no, baba, I don’t have any bad intention. I have seen Tarak doing black magic to kill his enemies.

Biswamitra Baba: - Tarak is not a bad boy. If he does that, then it is for the betterment of the society only. Sab ee maayer iccha…aamra toh nimitto matro…sab ee taar ee maya…so, you want to learn this art to kill your enemies. What is the guarantee that you are not an anti-social?

Arindam: - I am not an anti-social. I am just a simple boy. I am very poor in physics. I know that I cannot make a robot in my entire life. But, I have an interest to explore the supernatural forces. I tried to learn the art of hypnotism from a reputed magician, but, alas, I can only hypnotize small animals to a certain extent. Humans never come under my control. I want to control the soul of a human being.

Biswamitra Baba: - Well, only black magic has that power. Hypnotism is just a chapter of the book of black magic. Now, eat this roasted meat. Just eat it. You will like it.

Arindam: - Thank you, baba. You are fond of mutton also. That’s great. It is very tasty.

Biswamitra Baba: - You have just eaten the roasted meat of a human’s dead body, which is burning there.

Arindam: - Uaakh….thoo….are you crazy or what? Chee chee…uuakh…

Biswamitra Baba: - How can you become a tantrik, if you can’t digest the meat of a human’s dead body? Human’s meat is the tastiest meat of the world. We are not carnivorous. We eat the meat of those dead bodies, which gets burnt in this graveyard. After all, those meats are the prasads of our Samsaan Kaali. In ancient days, during Samsaan Kali puja, tantriks like us, used to slaughter humans. Then, they used to cook the human’s meat.

Arindam: - aapni toh nar-khadak. You are a man-eater. Chee chee…I need to vomit what I have eaten just now.

Biswamitra Baba: - ok, sorry. I think that your digestive system is not so good. Eat these Durba Grass and vomit it there.

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Biswamitra Baba: - Boss, for learning the art of black magic, you should have a good meditation power and a sharp memory to remember all the mantras step-by-step. If you skip the steps of any mantras, then it would back-fire your own soul only. When you try to do black magic by using a soul of a human being; be careful, because, human soul always has a tendency to rule over his master during the period of black magic. Black magic has some specific time and date. On any day, you cannot perform black magic. Keep this book with you. In this book, you will find some important positions of stars in the night sky, which are represented as points and a line joining all the points to form a map. When you have a desire to do black magic, just look up at the sky in the dark night. Try to figure out if the positions of the stars in the sky are matching with any of the maps in this book or not. If yes, then go for the black magic. Take this lemon and tie it with the garland of hibiscus flowers. Can you see that dog and the beggar sitting under that tree in this graveyard? Throw that lemon towards the dog. Now, chant the mantras that I am telling you. Close your eyes. Visualize that dog.

Arindam: - My head is aching. My hands are shivering. I am panting for breathe now. Baba, yeh sab ki hocchey?

Biswamitra Baba: - Relax, your soul is getting mapped with that dog’s soul. Now, give the instruction to your brain that you desire to bite that beggar at his leg. Ha ha ha…you have learned 1% of black magic. Just open your eyes and see there. The dog has bitten at the beggar’s leg.

Arindam: - Baba, tumi gurudev. I will never forget this night of “BISWAMITRA BABA’S BLACK MAGIC”.

T-30 CRICKET TOURNAMENT (TTCT)

Arindam: - Good afternoon viewers. Today, we have invited Mr.Sain, the implementer of Thirty-Thirty Cricket Tournament (TTCT). Mr. Sain, welcome to our show ‘WINE WITH ARINDAM’ in our Royal Bengal Tiger (RBT) TV Channel. Everyone is talking about T-20 cricket and the IPL is just rocking the show. Why, suddenly, you are interested to launch T-30 cricket?

Mr.Sain: - Boss, the concept of T-20 cricket is ruining the basics of cricket. This is not a real game of cricket, where you don’t need to show your skills, talents, patience and the ability to make good partnerships. Here, the logic is very weird. Come to the ground with your bat and keep on swinging it. Either you will hit sixes or you will get out. T-20 is such a format, where a good skilled batsman don’t have time to settle down in accordance to the nature of the pitch. Whenever there is a dot ball, the spectators start shouting, ‘Come on, no one wants to see your defensive stroke for a Yorker length ball, either hit it for a six or just get lost.’ Now, this is not a Gentleman’s game. This is the game of luck only. It’s a gamble. No one knows which team will win. A good over can change the course of the entire match. That is why; I am going to launch the T-30 tournament, where a cricket match will be played for 30 overs.

Arindam: - Is it anyway different from T-20 cricket, other than the number of overs to be played?

Mr.Sain: - Ya, of course. There will be 11 players in each team. But, there is a twist in the tale. In this Cricket, you can do 3 substitutions in the team in the 2^nd half of the game. Suppose, Yuvraaj, Gayle and Gilchrist are there in your team. They batted in the 1^st half of the match. Now, in the 2^nd half, you can replace them by substituting Zaheer Khan, Sreesanth and Brett Lee in place of them. You can do the substitution for the benefit of your team in the 2^nd half only. If you are fielding first, then you will replace your 3 bowlers with 3 batsmen in the 2^nd half and vice-versa. Now, there are some bonus runs and as well as deductions of runs. If in any over, the batting side scores more than 20 runs, then extra 5 runs will get added to their scoreboard. Suppose, if Brett Lee has given away 23 runs in an over, then it will be considered as 23+5=28 runs. For a fall of wicket, 5 runs will be deducted from the scoreboard. Suppose, the score of batting side is 78/2 in 12.5 overs, now, if a wicket falls in the last ball of that over, then the score will be 78-5=73, that is 73/3. Each bowler can bowl maximum 5 overs. So, it is evident that you must have at least 6 bowlers in your team. If you are short of bowlers, then you can surely replace your batsmen with bowlers by substitution in the 2^nd half. So, as per the decision made after the coin toss, select your final team and then plan your substitutions.

Arindam: - What will be the point system in the tournament?

Mr.Sain:- For winning a match, a team will get 3 points and for losing a match, 1 point will get deducted. Suppose, if a team has played 5 games, out of which, they have won 3 matches and lost 2 matches, then their points will 3*3=9 minus 2*1=2. That is, there points will 9-2=7 points. There will be 16 teams divided in two groups. One is Group A and the other is Group B. Each group will have 8 teams. There will be league system in each group. That is, each team of Group A will play with the other teams of that group for 1 time and the rule is similar for Group B also. Out of each Group, 4 best teams will qualify for the Quarter Final. That means that 4 top teams of Group A will play against the 4 top teams of Group B in the Quarter Final. Then, as usual, the Semi Final and the Final matches will take place. There will be 4 power-plays for 5 overs each.

Arindam: - Well, let us see if “TTCT” can become famous or not. Mr. Sain, thanks for coming to our show. Viewers, see you later again, good bye.

SUNDARBAN'S SPECIAL SPECIES (SSS) !!!

Arindam: - What happened, Romila? You went to do hunting in the Gokula village and now you are looking tensed. Have you not got any prey?

Romila: - I have hunted two cows. That’s not a big deal. When I was hunting those cows, I heard the Bengali news in the TV nearby, that your girlfriend Shivani went to hunt cows in Subarigram and there she got trapped by the villagers. The forest officials are now taking her to the Alipore Zoo.

Arindam: - She is such a foolish tigress. Who told her to go and hunt in that village?

Romila: - There it is! That is the boat of the Sundarban forest officials, where they have kept Shivani inside a cage. Arindam, you are one of the best swimmers of this Sundarban forest. Only, you can save my elder sister. Don’t waste your time. Please go and rescue her.

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Boatman 01:- Sir, please be ready with your rifle. I can see a Royal Bengal Tiger swimming across the river and is following our boat.

Sundarban Forest Officer 01:- Just increase the speed of the boat. Why that tiger is chasing us?

Sundarban Forest Officer 02:- He he he…this is the mating season of animals and we have trapped a tigress. It is quite evident that her male partner will not let her go from this Sundarban forest.

Boatman 02:- This is very bad, Sir. You are doing injustice with this tigress. Our Bon-Bibi Goddess will become angry and we will have to bear the brunt of it.

Sundarban Forest Officer 01:- Actually, this tigress is seriously injured. We cannot leave her inside the forest in this condition. Other tigresses will either kill her for maintaining their territories or she may die as she will be unable to do any hunting due to severe injuries. Let us do proper treatment of her and then we will again leave her inside the forest.

Sundarban Forest Officer 02:- But, we need to track this tigress, boss. Last week only, Forest Ministry of Bengal has sent some radio collars to track the tigers of Sundarbans.

Boatman 01:- Wow, that’s great. A tiger can be tracked by using radars. Hmm…before going for fishing or to collect honey from beehives in dense forest, we can easily have the idea of the location of the tigers. That is really great. These gadgets will just rock in Sundarbans. We can easily save our lives from these man-eater tigers.

Boatman 02:- Nowhere in the world, you will find any other forest other than Sundarban, where all the tigers are man-eaters. No one knows why all the tigers of Sundarban are in-born man-eaters.

Sundarban Forest Officer 01:- It is only because of the topographical nature of Sundarbans. The water is so salty in Sundarbans that the tigers of this forest also like to eat salty foods. Out of all the species in the world, human meat is the tastier because of the salty taste in their blood. As usual, these Sundarban tigers love to eat those human meats with salty blood. Other than Sundarban forest, tigers of other forests are not man-eaters by birth. But, they become man-eaters, the moment they get the first taste of humans’ salty blood.

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Arindam: - Thanks to our Bon-Bibi Goddess that these forest officers have again let you free in the Sundarban forest. But, what is it in your neck?

Shivani: - This is known as radio collar. They are able to track me, wherever I will go.

Arindam: - Oh! Just forget about it. Let us just mate with each other. I am mentally hungry now.

Shivani: - Are you crazy or what? We will enjoy each other, and those forest officers will track us inside this forest. What will happen if they make a MMS clip of our mating?

Arindam: - Yes, you are right, sweetheart! Let me remove this radio collar from your neck. They are not aware of the fact that we are Royal Bengal Tigers. We are sharp, versatile and dangerous predators of the world and that is why, the “SUNDARBAN’S SPECIAL SPECIES (SSS)” is regarded as the National Animal of India.

OUR FREQUENCY DOES NOT MATCH

Jagaram: - Hello! Am I speaking to Arindam? I am Jagaram calling from Bengalimatrimony.com. Have you checked your inbox? Miss Kahini Kar liked your profile in our marriage portal and requested for a date. The venue and the time are mentioned in that email. Are you interested to meet her? Please confirm.

Arindam: - Yeah, not an issue. I will reach there on time. I am eager to meet her.

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Arindam: - Hi, I am Arindam. Sorry, I am late by 15 minutes. You may be waiting here for quite a long time.

Kahini: - Not at all. Actually, I also came here at 5.05 PM. So, I am also late by 5 minutes.

Arindam: - Can we order for something? What will you like to have?

Kahini: - Don’t worry. I have already ordered two Coca-Cola and two Chicken patties.

Arindam: - No, not Coca-Cola. I always prefer Thumbs-Up. Wait, I will tell them to change it.

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Arindam: - What are you saying? You don’t know how to cook food? You have never entered inside a kitchen to cook anything. That is really sad.

Kahini: - That is a problem with you guys. Why do you always expect that a girl will always cook? Is Sanjeev Kapoor, a woman?

Arindam: - Aaah…they are exceptional cases. That does not mean that we will also become a chef. I will never marry a girl, who does not know how to cook food. I am a useless fellow in these departments. Then, who will cook food in my house? I cannot always keep a maid to cook food.

Kahini: - Uff, you are so old-fashioned. The world has changed, dear. Come out of these things. Today, women are at par with men. You are so conservative.

Arindam: - There is a difference between conservatism and traditionalism. I also appreciate that women are now at par with men, but, still there are certain things which are traditional within our heart. Accha, do you have any boyfriend, at present?

Kahini: - What a funny question? If I would have a boyfriend, then why am I dating with you? Now, don’t ask me whether I am a virgin or not? Last month, I went for a date with another guy, who is also a registered member of Bengalimatrimony.com. He straightaway asked me whether I am a virgin or not, because he is a virgin and is looking for a virgin girl only.

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…if you are not having AIDS, Cancer, Anemia, Blood Sugar, High Blood pressure and other serious diseases, then I have no problem with you.

Kahini: - So, you are also not a virgin. Well, how many affairs you had in the past?

Arindam: - I think that we are meeting each other to talk about our future plans only. Forget the past. I am not interested in your past relationships. Accha, right now, you are doing job in a BPO and that too in night shifts. Are you going to continue this job after your marriage also?

Kahini: - Yeah, of course. Why not? Many women are doing jobs in night shifts after their marriage.

Arindam: - I have objection in that. I will prefer that you do a job from 10 AM to 5 PM only. If both of us will be out of the house, then who will take care of the family, when we will become parents?

Kahini: - Parents? Oh! Come on. I am just 27 years old. At least for another 2 years, I am not going to give birth to my first baby. I am yet to stabilize my career. Within the next 2 years, I will become a Senior Team Leader in our BPO Company. I am desperate to get married to someone because my parents are in tension about me. They fear that no one will marry me, when I will become a woman of 29 years.

Arindam: - You are a smart, beautiful and modern girl, but, somehow, “OUR FREQUENCY DOES NOT MATCH”. We can be good friends only. Wait, I am paying the bill. I will surely be in touch with you. Bye, dear.