THINK THRICE BEFORE BECOMING A PRESIDENT OF A DURGA PUJA COMMITTEE OF ANY CLUB !!!

Police Inspector:- Whose name is Laloo?

Laloo:- My name is Laloo. Why? What happened?

Police Inspector:- You are the President of the Durga Puja committee of this ‘Baaler Bitchi’ club?

Laloo:- Yeah, I am the President. Why? What happened?

Police Inspector:- We have an arrest warrant in your name.

Laloo:- Arrest warrant! Ha ha ha…do you know who I am? I am a famous actor of Tollywood as well as an MLA. You will arrest me? Don’t you have any fear of losing your job?

Police Inspector:- Shinde, Manilal, Tiwary and Singh, just do one thing; lift this man from this club house and make him seated inside our police van. Mr. Laloo, we are just doing our duty. Please don’t make us angry, then we will also forget that you are a human being.

**************

Laloo:- Hello! Arindam! I am in great trouble at this moment. Can you please come down to the Park Street Police Station? I am waiting for you here. You people are my friends. Can you people bail me out, please?

Arindam:- Aah! Abaar Police er hyapa kano bey ? Today is Mahaasthami (8^th day of Durga Puja festival). Today only, you are calling me to see you at the Police Station. Ok, we are coming within half an hour.

***************

Tarak:- Who called you? What’s the matter?

Arindam:- Arrey, our school friend, Laloo who was supposed to have a drinking party tonight with us, has been arrested by the Park Street policemen. Kichu hoyto bawaal koreche abaar…o maal kesto r kono thik achey…ager bare toh sonagachi teh giye jabbar case kheyechilo…odike foreign maagi samlaabi naa Laloo ke samlaabi…ekebaare bhaater chele achey saala…Anyway, let us go and visit Laloo at the Park Street Police station. Thana theke firey ese maal ta khabo…ekhon khele gandho berobe…thana tey giye case khabo…

**************

Arindam:- What’s the problem? On what charges you have arrested our school friend?

Police Inspector:- He is the president of Durga Puja committee of ‘Baaler Bitchi’ club at Rafi Ahmed Kidwai Road. Recently, his club members have threatened a businessman of this Park street area because that businessman cannot afford to give them more than 5000 bucks as the Puja chanda (money collected for organizing any puja or festival). After getting threatened by them, the businessman has not lodged any complaint against them also. He is a nice person. Today, during 4.05 PM, the same club members of ‘Baaler Bitchi’ club were having an adda session in the Maddox Square. They very well know the daughter of that businessman. They tried to molest that young lady in Maddox square. Those culprits have been arrested on the basis of the FIR lodged by that young lady and they are now in the Bhawanipore Police Station. The young lady told everything to his father. Now, that businessman has lodged an FIR in the name of Mr. Laloo as he is the president of this club committee.

Arindam:- But, Laloo has not committed any crime in this case.

Police Inspector:- His crime is that he became the president of the durga puja committee of that club, where all the  members are anti-socials. Mr. Laloo is a good actor and young MLA. That’s ok. But, who told him to become a president. As the Assembly election is in 2011, so, this year in 2010, already there have been some intentional political clashes in the name of Durga puja clubs. In West Bengal, all the clubs are the clubs of political parties. There is no concept of ‘social clubs’ or ‘non-political clubs’ in West Bengal. That’s why; the young generation people of Bengal have already started hating the club culture. This politicized club culture is now ruining the traditional Bengali society. In our days, clubs used to be formed for cultural and social causes. But, today, CPI(M) has their own sets of clubs and TMC and INC are  also not far behind. All are of same category.  At least, BJP don’t do politics in the name of Durga Puja clubs. Now, just pay 1500 bucks and take him out on interim bail. Nowadays, there is a strict rule that the President of the club will be arrested if his club members found guilty during Durga Puja. That’s why; we always tell all celebrities and MLAs, “THINK THRICE BEFORE BECOMING A PRESIDENT OF A DURGA PUJA COMMITTEE OF ANY CLUB”.

PARROT PAARO !!!

Shaili:- Good afternoon, viewers. I am Shaili and you are watching ‘Animal Interview’ in your favorite ‘Royal Bengal Tigers (RBT)’ TV Channel. Today, I am going to interview “PARROT PAARO”. Paaro, your master earns his living by utilizing you only. Many people come from other parts of India to show their hand palms to your master. Then your master will order you to select any one of the cards lying in front of you. Based on the card that you select, your master will predict the future of his customer. People are of the opinion that you are expert in choosing the right card for the right person.

Paaro:- hee hee hee…Majority of my master’s customers are superstitious in nature.  So, whatever you will predict about their future, if 1% of the predictions become true, then they will start jumping on their feet. This is India. Here, astrologers have some common set of questions and predictions. These astrologers just do permutations and combinations of those questions and predictions and keep on earning money for their living. Astrology is all about some hypothetical expectations about the future only. Life of any organism abides by the rule of probability. The success rate and the failure rate can be either 0 or 1.  If you predict anything about the future, then the probability of an event that will take place in future out of the two predictions that you have made now is 0.5, which is ½. Therefore, either of your 2 predictions will take place. So, there is no need to worry about future. If you fail today, then you will succeed tomorrow and then again you will fail in the day after tomorrow. This cycle continues for your entire lifespan. By the way, how did you come to know about me? Who gave you my master’s residential address?

Shaili:- Do you know Arindam?

Paaro:- Oh! Yeah, now I got the answer of my question. Uff…don’t ask me about Arindam. He is the neighbor of my master. My cage is in the common balcony of this 2^nd floor of this apartment which leads to the common staircase at the eastward side of the building. While going out or coming into his room, Arindam always flirts or teases me by saying, ‘Hey, my Green lady bird, how are you?’, ‘Wow, you are now eating nuts. So, you are too fond of nuts!’, ‘Good morning, Paaro, where is your Devdas? Has he fled away with Chandramukhi?’

Shaili:- Ha ha ha…there is no doubt that Arindam is a very naughty boy.  You should scold him; otherwise he will keep on flirting with you.

Paaro:-  I am a lonely parrot living inside this cage. My life is very boring. At least, I don’t feel bored when Arindam flirts with me. I can feel my presence when someone like Arindam is either flirting or teasing me, though I am not a beautiful and hot woman. I am just a talking bird.  I cannot fly like the other birds because I am inside the cage. Since my birth, I am spending my life inside a cage. Earlier, I was in the cage of a reputed aviary of this city. My master bought me from there only.

Shaili:- You are getting so much respect from your master’s customers. You are getting food and water without doing any struggle for it. Look at those birds which are flying in the sky. Every day, they have to fly miles after miles to search for food. They have to build nests to lay eggs and hatch them. They have to feed their own babies. They need to protect themselves and their babies from their enemies. There are so many struggles in their life.

Paaro:- But, still they are happy because they have their own freedom in their life.  Recently, Arindam has requested my master to free me from this cage on 15^th August 2010 and my master has agreed to it. He will buy another parrot as my replacement.

Shaili:- Wow! Arindam proved himself as a good pal for you. Before we end your interview session, do you have any message for our Indian viewers?

Paaro:-  I wish all the Indians around the Universe, a very happy 63^rd Independence Day of India.  Always respect the word ‘Freedom’; otherwise, you cannot have respect for your motherland and its freedom fighters. JAI HIND.

GOD CREATED 2 'ADAMS' & 2 'EVES' !!!

Bhagwan Brahma:- Last week, I created two male human beings, ‘Aadmi’ and ‘Ladka’ on the Earth. After killing those dinosaurs before the successive global warming and ice age, the Earth has got a perfect weather to create lives in it. We have created so many lives, but out of those lives, this ’human being’ is going to become our best creative product. ‘Aadmi’ had been placed in ‘Tapoban’ area and ‘Ladka’ had been placed in ‘Gaon’ area. On the first three days of their placement in the Earth, they were happy and were running here and there with joy. But, now, after 7 days, they are feeling depressed. Are they missing anything?

Devi Parvati:- Brahma ji, every male needs their female partner, otherwise, their life has no value at all. Males and Females in any organism class are complimentary to each other. Please create two females for these two males.

Bhagwan Brahma:- Ok, then, let me create the females, ‘Aurat’ for ‘Aadmi’ and ‘Ladki’ for ‘Ladka’.

Bhagwan Shiva:- But, there is a scarcity of water in both the places of ‘Gaon’ and ‘Tapoban’. Hey, Ganga, can you please do something about it?

Devi Ganga:- Ok, then let me create a glacier in the Himalayas from which a sacred river will start flowing. But, I will help you people on one condition. The river should be named after my name only.

Bhagwan Shiva:- Tathastu. As you wish, Ganga.

Narod Muni:- Narayana! Narayana! Brahma ji, you have created human beings on Earth but what about their population growth. The ‘Aadmi’ is not getting attracted towards ‘Aurat’ and same is the case with ‘Ladka’. ‘Ladka’ has already started hating ‘Ladki’.

Bhagwan Brahma:- Now, if they are not getting attracted towards each other, what can I do in that case? I am helpless.

Bhagwan Kaamdev:- Brahma ji, I can help you out in this regard. Give me the order to target the arrow of love on the Earth planet.

Bhagwan Brahma:- Yeah, yeah, proceed. Wow! Now they are falling in love with each other. That’s great. But, they are not indulging in any intercourse, which will help in reproduction of their offspring. Hey, Vishnu, can you do something about it?

Bhagwan Vishnu:- Actually, with a joint collaboration with Indra, I have been able to create a special type of a tree.

Bhagwan Indra:- And believe me, Brahma ji, the fruit of this tree will provide the temptation within the human’s body to do those intercourses. The fruit of this tree will be known as ‘Apple’.

Bhagwan Brahma:- Then, what are you waiting for? Just grow those apple trees on the Earth planet.

Narod Muni:- Narayana! Narayana! See the fun! Now, ‘Aadmi’ and ‘Aurat’ has given birth to 2 children. One is ‘Beta’ and another one is ‘Balika’. On the other hand, ‘Ladka’ and ‘Ladki’ has given birth to 2 children. One is ‘Beti’ and another one is ‘Balak’. But, now, how the relationship will be formed? ‘Beta’ and ‘Balika’ cannot marry each other because they are siblings.

Bhagwan Brahma:- ‘Beta’ will marry ‘Beti’ and ‘Balak’ will marry ‘Balika’. Thereafter, the cross-connection will continue to increase the population of human beings on the Earth planet. Now, our operation of installing human beings on Earth planet is a successful project. Let us celebrate. Hey, Vishnu, bring some ‘Somras’ for me and Indra, tell your Urvashi to perform a superb classical ‘Bharatnatyam’ in front of us.

**************

Mandakini:- Ei, Wake up! Why are you dancing in your sleep? Who the hell is this Urvashi? Wake up!

Arindam:- Aah! What happened? Why are you shouting? I was having a nice mythological dream in my sleep where Urvashi was dancing in front of me.

Mandakini:- Uff, your dreams are as naughty as you. Now, brush up your teeth and go to the fish market. Already, it is 8.30 AM and today is Sunday. As per the news in several TV channels, yesterday night only, some branded ‘Hilsha of Padma’ has been brought into Kolkata. Go to the market and buy a good Hilsha fish. Today, I will not cook Chicken or Mutton curry but only ‘Bhapha Doi Hilsha’. By the way, what have you dreamt in your sleep?

Arindam:- You will not understand many things. But, it is true that the “GOD CREATED 2 ‘ADAMS’ and 2 ‘EVES’”, otherwise, a brother would have married his own sister.

LET US BECOME FRIENDS ON THIS FRIENDSHIP DAY !!!

Padmini:- Help! Help! Somebody help me. Rukmini is about to kill my children.

Mohini:- Rukmini, you have shown the audacity to enter our territory. Leave those children of Padmini, otherwise, you will get killed. Just go away from here.

Padmini:- Oh! Thanks a lot, Mohini. I would have lost my children forever if you had not protected them from Rukmini at the right time.

Mohini:- But, why Rukmini wanted to kill your children? Generally, in this forest, a tigress does not attack any monkeys.

Padmini:- She wanted to take revenge. Last week, she and her male partner Raghav entered into the nearby village of Gosaba area to kill some cows and goats before going for the mating season. Rukmini is yet to become a man-eater, but the problem is with Raghav. Raghav is 4 years older than Rukmini and in this old age also, he loves mating with tigresses. Raghav is a deadly man-eater of this mangrove forest. I wanted to save the life of innocent villagers of that village. That’s why; I gave 5 alarm calls from 5 positions to alert the Sundarban forest officials as well as villagers that a tiger and his tigress have entered into the village. The forest officials created a trap. Raghav fell into that trap and got injured. The forest officials are doing treatment in the tiger reserve. Once the treatment is over, Raghav will be released in the jungle. Now, Rukmini thinks that I am responsible for Raghav’s bad fate. Had I not given those alarm calls, then Raghav would have never got trapped by the forest officials. But, at least, I saved the life of many innocent human beings staying in that village.

Mohini:- Hmm…now, I understand the entire thing. Rukmini is still angry on you and she will again try to take the revenge by killing your children or maybe you also.

Padmini:- Already, the population of monkeys in this Sundarban forest is decreasing day by day due to lack of food and the increased salinity of water and soil. Maybe, monkeys will get extinct in this delta.

Mohini:- Don’t worry, we are also in the same track. The number of Royal Bengal tigers and tigresses are also decreasing in this forest. Poachers of Thailand, Myanmar and Bangladesh are entering inside the jungle with their trawlers by waving a fake Indian flag. The Sundarban forest officials are just sleeping and not increasing vigilance on those poachers. The poachers kill the tigers and sell their dead bodies to the Chinese businessmen, leather factory owners and drug dealers. I really wonder what kind of tiger conservation they are doing! The numbers of deer are also decreasing. Moreover, the water is getting too saline and the numbers of crocodiles are increasing which is scaring the tigers to swim in the river waters or even go near it.

Padmini:- By the way, I have hardly seen any tigress helping a monkey. Then, why did you save my children?

Mohini:- 3 days ago, I was busy in mating with my beloved Arindam. At that time, some forest officials entered the jungle in the northern part and in the western part of this island, some local villagers entered to collect honey from bee-hives. Had you not given an alarm call that some humans have entered inside this jungle, then both of us would have been in serious trouble. Though, I got caught by the forest officials but they released me in the jungle after installing a radio collar on my neck.

Arindam:- Oh! Mohini, you are here! I was searching for you everywhere. Hey, Mohini, please open that radio collar. The forest officials are tracking us. How can we mate with each other without any tension?

Padmini:- Don’t worry, my hubby Madhav will help you. Madhav, can you crush this radio collar with your teeth?

Madhav:- Sure, why not?

Arindam:- Wow! Thanks Padmini and Madhav. I have just now seen that all the forest officials were wishing a very happy friendship day to each other while standing on the watch towers as it is 1^st august today. Padmini and Madhav, “LET US BECOME FRIENDS ON THIS FRIENDSHIP DAY” and please do give an alarm call every time any human enters our territory. Don’t worry; both Mohini and I will always safeguard your family members from Rukmini and Raghav.

SEX - HOCKEY !!!

Rachana: - Oh! Come on, Sir. Why are you feeling nervous? Enjoy me. I have also satisfied the former coaches. I am the captain of this team. The more you will enjoy my body parts, the healthier our relationship will become. Ummm… Sir, do whatever you feel like. Tonight, I am completely yours and it’s my pleasure to be yours tonight.

Kingshuk: - But, I am married. I have some commitments towards her. What if some scandals arise later on?

Rachana: - Are you going to tell your wife about this night to your wife like the King Harishchandra?

Kingshuk: - No. How can I admit about it to my wife?

Rachana: - Your wife is also not a ‘Sati-Sabitri’ that she will tell you about all her extra-marital fantasies with some young guns. No one will know anything, Sir. I will keep it as a top secret. Even Nilima, Preeti, Sharmin and Ritu are also interested to have intercourses with you. I hope that you will satisfy them also. Oh! Come on, don’t be tensed. The performances will be a protected and secret one. So, there will be no STD and scandals.

**********************

Mr. Sansani: - Today is a shameful day for our nation in sports arena. Our national women’s hockey team has finished last in the World Cup tournament. That’s a shame. There is so much difference between real life and reel life. In reel life, we saw in the film ‘Chak De’ that the women’s hockey team won the World Cup.

*********************

Khanna: - Look Mr. Kingshuk, we are really worried about your performance as a coach of national women’s hockey team. We have finished last. My goodness! The entire team played badly in the tournament, especially that captain of the women’s hockey team played pathetic hockey. Was that a captaincy! My goodness, Mr. Kingshuk, had I been in your place, I would have removed Rachana as a captain of the women’s hockey team due to her poor performance in the entire tournament. Remove her from the captaincy and be ready with a strong team for the next tournament. As the Chairman of the Hockey Board of this nation, I cannot bear the harsh criticisms from several media personnel.

********************

Rachana: - Sir, what the hell are you saying? Nandini, the striker of our team will become the captain of the women’s hockey team. What the hell does she know about captaincy? She came into the team last year only. You cannot remove me from captaincy. Maybe, my performance on the field is in poor form at present but I have always performed well in the off-field with you in your bedroom.

Kingshuk: - I don’t get money to perform in my bedroom. I am the coach of this hockey team. Don’t mix your personal life with your professional life. You have enjoyed my natural asset, that’s a different issue. As a coach, I want you to perform like a captain of this team by leading from the front. For your poor captaincy and performance, the women’s hockey team finished last. Do you think that I am a slave of yours? I will not change my decision. Nandini is really playing fantastic hockey. She scored 3 goals in the recent tournament. She has never played off-the field with me, but still I like her because she is a genuine hockey player, not a politician like you.

Rachana: - Ok, fine! I will also see for how many days you remain as the coach of this hockey team.

******************

Mr. Sansani: - It’s a breaking news. Mr. Kingshuk, the coach of the women’s hockey team has resigned from his post because 30 girls of that hockey team have alleged that they were sexually harassed by the coach. Rachana, the hockey team captain has also remarked, ’30 girls cannot tell a lie’.

*****************

Nayantaara: - What a shame! All men are of same category. They are all perverts. This coach should be jailed for 15 years. Really, India has become a paradise for sexual harassment.

Arindam: - Ha ha ha…sweetheart, you are viewing the case from one angle. The remarks made by the captain that 30 girls cannot tell a lie itself proves that the conspiracy was pre-planned. The recent dates on the video camera photos also prove that it is just a game of “SEX-HOCKEY”.